Do you ever wonder why you often feel let down by people? It all comes down to your expectations, a common habit that brings both frustration and resentment. In this post, we’ll dive into the intricate role of expectations and standards in various types of relationships, uncovering the secret to more fulfilling connections.

Stopping The Expectation Cycle

Have you ever stopped to wonder why expectations can stir up feelings of resentment and anger? It’s a common tale. You expect someone to do something a certain way, and when they don’t, frustration bubbles up. But why does this happen? Well, expectations are essentially personal beliefs YOU impose on others. When these aren’t met, it can feel like a personal failure, even though it’s not.

Why Expectations Fuel Resentment and Anger

Your expectations are often unseen, lurking in your mind. They act as silent rules that others are unaware of. When unmet, you might feel let down. But here’s the catch: expectations are one-sided. They’re based on personal assumptions that don’t always align with someone else’s reality. It’s like expecting a fish to climb a tree—unfair and unrealistic.

“Stop setting expectations for other people. It’s our expectations that are the source of our anger and disappointment with other people.” – Nefreteri

The Contrast Between Standards and Expectations

So, what’s the difference between standards and expectations? On one hand, expectations are about others conforming to your beliefs. They can crumble when others don’t comply. On the other hand, standards are about the values you hold for yourself. They’re just for you, like a personal code. Instead of needing others to meet them, you strive to live by them.

• Expectations = Imposing beliefs on others.
• Standards = Self-defined values you live by.

Understanding Personal vs. Imposed Standards

Have you ever considered how your cultural or personal background shapes your expectations? These factors craft the lens through which you see the world. However, recognizing the difference between your standards and those imposed by society is vital. Your personal standards align with who you are, while imposed standards might feel like a burden.

With regards to dating – Let’s face it. Maybe he’s not interested in you. Maybe you’re not the kind of woman he’s looking for in a partner. But you know what? That’s perfectly okay. By releasing these expectations, you free yourself from unnecessary pain and disappointment. People are different, with unique desires and cultural influences. Accepting this diversity can help you stop the perpetual cycle of unmet expectations.

A Story of Dating Disappointment

Have you ever been on a date that left you feeling like you just wasted your time? Yeah, we’ve all been there. You meet someone new, and hopeful anticipation fills the air. Expectations? They can often lead you astray. But what if you flip the script?

1. The Trap of Expectations

Let’s step into a scenario. This guy crosses your path. He’s not bad looking. Keeps himself well-groomed and has no chillingly obvious flaws. You think, “Great!” But as you talk, you realize he doesn’t tick your boxes. Now, suddenly, frustration sets in. “How could he not offer to pay? Really, thirty and no life together?”

• Emotional Roller Coaster: High expectations often lead to disappointment.
• Unmet expectations make you feel like you’ve been dealt a dud hand.

2. Shifting to Self-Defined Standards

Now let’s replay the scene from a different lens: your standards. The same guy, the same chat. But this time, you think, “Do his values align with mine?” And when the answer is a resounding no, you walk away, feeling empowered rather than betrayed. Why?

• Redefine the Game: Standards keep you grounded and in control.
• With standards, you avoid the emotional storm of unmet expectations.

Relationships improve dramatically when based on self-awareness of your standards. It’s like having a personalized checklist—your standards, your rules. Just remember, “You can try and motivate a person, but you still can’t control them.” – Nefreteri

Think about it: wouldn’t you prefer knowing you stuck to your standards than crying over unmet expectations?

Communication: The Bridge to Understanding

So maybe you’re asking, where does this disconnect come from anyway? The most often forgotten essential ingredient: communication. Communication happens when information is shared and most importantly understood.

The Importance of Standards and Values

So to tie this in. You might wonder, what makes standards and values so essential? They’re the guidelines we live by, the rules we set in relationships—personal or professional. Imagine building a house without a blueprint. That’s what it’s like trying to interact without sharing your values. If you don’t express what you believe in, how can anyone else know?

“Communication! You can’t be making assumptions and setting expectations without communication.” – Nefreteri

Can I ever set expectations?

Yes, you can, but this is in a clearly defined relationship. Expectations will differ in the kind of relationship as well. Friends, parents, children, dates, spouses, co-workers. Your expectations will be highest with your spouse since you’re a team, but not without some serious conversations.

The Real Impact in Relationships

Check this – We all know people can’t read minds, but that doesn’t stop us from acting like they can! Many people believe that without a word, others know their standards. News flash: They don’t. This gap often leads to unnecessary conflicts. Effective communication serves as a bridge, connecting you and others on a deeper, more meaningful level.

Assumptions: The Recipe for Misunderstandings

Assumptions. Dude, they’re like stepping on a hidden tripwire. So many people think that we’re all on the same page from the get-go. Wrong. Not talking about your expectations is like signing a contract without reading it. You’re just guessing about what you’re getting into.

Consider this: You’re in a team, and no one is clear about their roles. Chaos, right? One conversation could solve this, but instead, silence reigns. Same thing in a relationship. You assume the guy and the girl knows their roles, but boom, you run into a problem and you’re both blaming each other. Lack of clarity equals disaster. Always.

Remember, as wonderful as it would be, people aren’t mind-readers. Most haven’t studied neurolinguistics or psychology. If you want someone to understand you—tell them. Keep talking, keep sharing. Build bridges, not walls. Set standards, not expectations and you’ll enjoy people more and be disappointed less.