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Lost Virtues: How Kindness Conquers Envy (and Its Weird Opposite)

Hiya fam! Nefreteri here, and welcome back to Lost Virtues, my series helping you build great, godly character by recovering forgotten Christian virtues. Last time, we talked about humility. This time, we’re tackling something even spicier: envy.

Yeah. That green-eyed monster we don’t like to talk about — but all of us have felt it. Whether we admit it or not, we’ve been envious of someone. And I’m not just talking about the big, flashy stuff like cars or jobs. Sometimes we envy someone’s personality, peace, confidence, or talents.

So here’s the question: how do we get rid of envy?

The Virtue Framework:

Let’s start with a framework. Every virtue sits in the middle of two extremes. The virtue we’re after today is kindness. On one side, you have the deficiency, which is envy. And on the other side, you have the excess, which is a word we don’t use anymore: pusillanimity (explanation coming).

Every virtue lives in a balance between two extremes:

• Vice: Envy — bitterness, resentment, comparison.
• Extreme: Pusillanimity — a fancy word for spiritual smallness, self-doubt, and hiding.
• Virtue: Kindness — the powerful, God-given response that heals both.

Kindness isn’t just about being nice. It’s active love, rooted in compassion, truth, and humility.

Think of kindness as the strong, solid middle ground. It’s the God-given antidote to both comparison and cowardice.

What Is Envy, Really?

Envy isn’t just feeling jealous once in a while. It’s deeper. It’s bitterness. It’s a resentful discontent because someone else has what you think you should have. At its core, it’s the spirit of comparison — and it’s ugly.

Culture doesn’t help. We live in an individualistic world where everyone’s trying to stand out, and we’re constantly told we need more. Our phones just pour gasoline on the fire. But at the root of it all? It’s sin. Envy is part of our fallen nature.

Jesus laid it out clearly in Mark 7:21–22:

“For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts… envy, slander, pride…”

It’s in there. Envy grows inside us, like a weed — unless we let Jesus uproot it.

Envy Destroys Everything

Why does this matter?

Because envy destroys relationships. You can’t celebrate others. You can’t even enjoy your own blessings. You pull away from friends. You gossip. You act fake. You start to resent God, thinking He’s unfair — that He gave other people better gifts.

It gets real toxic, real fast.

Even inside the church, envy shows up. People start comparing spiritual gifts, ministries, influence — as if any of that is the point. 1 Corinthians 3:3 calls that kind of behavior “worldly.” And James 3:14–16 says envy leads to “disorder and every evil practice.”

This thing doesn’t play around. It eats us from the inside.

Envy’s Quiet Twin: Pusillanimity

Let’s talk about the other extreme — pusillanimity. It means “small-souled,” or weak, or fainthearted. It’s that vibe of mediocrity that’s weirdly trendy right now. You know the whole “It’s fine, average is fine” attitude?

Nah. God didn’t make you for mediocrity. He made you in His image — for greatness. Not greatness like the world defines it, but greatness in His Kingdom.

But when we embrace pusillanimity, we downplay our gifts. We don’t try. We don’t serve. We hide. We convince ourselves we’re not worthy — not good enough to contribute. And you know what? It sounds humble, but it’s actually insecurity masked as virtue. It tells you you’re not good enough, so why bother?

That’s fear. That’s insecurity. That’s not from God.

Envy & Mediocrity Are Cousins

Envy says: “I want what they have.”
Pusillanimity says: “I don’t deserve it anyway.”

Both lead to unkindness.

I’ve seen people who weren’t envious at all, really — they didn’t want the money, status, or spotlight — but they were still mean. Why? Because deep down, they didn’t like their own lives. That resentment turned into bitterness. They stopped believing in their own worth, and they took it out on everyone else. Sometimes it shows up as “they shouldn’t have it, because I can’t have it.”

*Not to get political, but honestly, socialism and communism are where the attitude of mediocrity ends up. Everything is equal so we feel better about ourselves. Yikes!

Kindness: The Virtue that Heals

Now here’s where things get good.

The opposite of envy isn’t just contentment (though that’s important too — we’ll talk about it another time). The real antidote is kindness or what the Bible calls brotherly love.“

Kindness is not “nice.” Nice is surface-level. Kindness is deeper — it’s active. It includes gentleness, patience, compassion, humility, and truth. It moves toward people. It serves, it supports, and it lifts others up.

And here’s the kicker: kindness breaks the power of envy.

Romans 12:14–16 says:

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Most of us are good at weeping with others — we can empathize with pain. But rejoicing? Genuinely celebrating someone else’s win — especially if you wanted that win too? That’s next-level.

Can you clap for your friend’s promotion when you got passed up?
Can you dance at your best friend’s wedding when you’re still single?
Can you throw a baby shower when you’re quietly battling infertility?

That’s kindness. That’s love. That’s spiritual maturity.

*That kind of heart posture? It doesn’t happen overnight. This stuff is not easy. But when you start practicing it — even when it feels hard — the Holy Spirit begins to transform you.

Practice Makes Heart Change

The beautiful thing is this: when you practice kindness — even when it feels hard or awkward — the Spirit begins to shift your heart. What felt unnatural starts to feel joyful. You begin to love people the way God loves them. You celebrate their wins like they’re your own.

And that’s exactly what God does.

Luke 6:35 says:

“He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”

God doesn’t play favorites. He doesn’t give based on who deserves what. He gives generously — to all.

So what does that mean for us?

It means that our gifts, our talents, our blessings — they’re not just for us. They’re for others. For the Body. For the flourishing of everyone around us.

A Kindness Challenge for You

Try this today:

• Compliment someone publicly who intimidates you privately.
• Send a “congratulations” message to someone you were low-key envious of.
• Step into something God’s gifted you for — even if you feel small.
• If you envy someone from a distance, you can always pray blessings over them*

*Jesus said, “Love your enemies”, well, “love those you envy as well.” When you get God involved in prayer, it’s amazing what the Holy Spirit will start to do!

You were made for Kingdom greatness. Not greatness as the world defines it, but greatness rooted in Christ — grounded in love, kindness, and courage.

This is what godly character looks like. This is what Kingdom greatness looks like.

Let’s be kind — on purpose.

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Want to dive deeper? I discuss the vice of envy in my podcast episode The BEST Way to Understand Human Beauty is NOT What You Think, because it’s one of the most common places we see it in our culture. Don’t miss it.

Stay Salty Christians 😉,
Nefreteri